Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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