Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
