I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
