I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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