What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
