I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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