Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
