he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
