i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
