the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
