oh god the rape fog is back!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im six kinds of drunk right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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