Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
