I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
