someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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