Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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