You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
