i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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