So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
