the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
