i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize