when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
