Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
