I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize