Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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