And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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