By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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