EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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