dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
