I didn't shave. On purpose
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I intend to get homeless drunk
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
