Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
