I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
