me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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