Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
