The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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