I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
