This is not my ceiling
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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