She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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