They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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