after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
