this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
