Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Porn is love you can see.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He shit in the fireplace
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
