she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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