I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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