My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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