nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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