Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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