Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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