I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I could make wine with my vomit
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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