I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
