I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
