no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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