Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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