No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
