Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
