I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
