she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
