I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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