speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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