theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
