I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
