You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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