Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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