Fuck appropriateness.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
