My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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