I didn't shave. On purpose
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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