She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
