whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
