he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
