can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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