Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
