She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
